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First Breath

inhale sharp once before I go under,
daylight is broken. jagged bits
across my vision, they sand
themselves smooth the further I go.
look up to see the sun’s shadow

floating overhead. if you were
with me in this stasis, you’d feel
the darkening blue of the water
curling you like a fist in sleep,
untethered fetus in the deep

yawning sea. this is the pressure
of loss, fingertips pushing
patterns into the wet shore,
washed away before the sun can see them.
I want to pull away, rip the hem

of the water and let rushing air
write braille on my skin, but
unless I sink again, I am
a veteran whose trembling hands
can’t piece together her promised land.

Ru Mehendale